occupation: prophet


In real life

  • Her: So will you be applying here?
  • Me: No, unfortunately the professor you had me interview with was condescending and rude.
  • Her: That's how everyone in the discipline is. Classics people are pretentious.
  • Me: ...True as that might be, if your faculty can't go 20 minutes without personally insulting an undergrad, it suggests to me that I will have to endure mental abuse if I go here. Your dismissal just confirmed it.
  • Her: ...
  • Me: But thanks for the T-shirt.

There is a half assed intervention going down in the hotel room next to mine. Alex’s parents are in such denial of his drug and gambling addiction. Rich people are fucking weird.

mistakes were made

For starters this happened:

Me: Hey do you want to look over this speech I’m about to give?

Her: Yeah, you can’t say any of this. Here, I took my favorite lines out of your paper and wrote a whole new presentation for you. Use this.

Me: …

Thanks. That’s real sweet of you. I’m going to go panic, not sleep, and seriously reconsider all my life choices right now. Maybe I still have time to learn how to drive a truck.

I’m leaving for a conference in the morning

The McNair people are paying for a hotel and they rented this big, absurd SUV for me to drive. The conference dinner is on a boat. I’ve never been on a boat before. All I have to do is show up and talk about monsters for 10 minutes.

I still can’t get over the fact that I’m getting money to do academic stuff in any capacity. I keep waiting for someone to realize I’m a fraud and they’ve made a terrible mistake.

I wish I had the power to cause the Universe to give you pie! I shall continue to think pie thoughts in your direction.

What do you mean wish? Clearly that is what happened. Don’t belittle your gift Friend!

He did it. Kid made me a whole damn apple pie. From scratch. It tasted like love, appreciation and brown sugar.

We were joined by another queer McNair student, and three of us sat for 2 hours eating apple pie and talking shit about everything from the wealthy kids who go here, to the administration.

My favorite exchange:

Me: And you know we all say the same thing every time someone screws up. “I do not pay…

All 3 in perfect unison:
“…50 grand a year to go to this school to put up with this shit.”

And not a damn one of us pays anywhere near full tuition! We are all on grants and scholarships.

I don’t give a fuck! I say it at least twice a day.

If I actually paid 50 grand to go here and they pulled this shit, I’d have murdered a person.

How did I get so lucky? Is this because coffeepotbadger wished for me to have all the pie??

I helped a kid rewrite a scholarship application and he was so impressed with my bullshit skills and thankful for my help that he baked me an apple pie from scratch.

Tomorrow I am getting paid in pie. Gratitude pie.

An apple pie. From scratch. For me.

This is not a drill. This is it people. I have just learned how to successfully “life”.

Actual conversation I just had in actual real life.

  • : :Checking out a movie for a patron::
  • Her: Do you think these people are actors?
  • Me: ...Do I think the people in the movie are actors? Yes. Yes I do.
  • Her: Why aren't there any reality movies? With real people like reality TV. Why isn't that a thing?
  • Me: Documentaries. That is the word you are looking for. Documentaries are things.
Sep 6

This is what Classical Studies does to a person - Part II

Some 20-odd articles later and I am ready to open my first essay of the year with, “The scholarship on this play is one giant, frustratingly impotent, academic circle-jerk.”

Sep 2

this is how I do

  • Reads yet another blog post about being a Quaker that some how manages to be disparaging, self-deprecating and yet still wholly pretentious.
  • Grumbles loudly.
  • Wishes more Friends were like coffeepotbadger.
  • Realizes that if I’m not going to contribute to the online presence in a more meaningful way I should probably stop complaining about it.
  • Grumbles quietly.

I feel like you aren’t listening to Hozier. You should be. The fact that you aren’t listening to Hozier right now is a goddamn tragedy.

I haven’t found an musician with such good production since Kanye West (which says a lot about my weird musical tastes). I don’t know of any artist who so perfectly executes what they are trying to do besides Welcome to Night Vale. I know some people have heard Take Me to Church but that is just one single. It isn’t even my favorite song.

Go listen to the to the From Eden EP. This is Work Song. It is produced to sound like a chain-gang song. It’s brilliant. Go listen to Angel of Small Death and the Codeine Scene. Go listen to To Be Alone and come back and talk to me about the oddness of the phrase “anthems of rape culture” being used in a pop song.

Then come back and talk to me because I am not good at being a hipster, I want everyone to like this thing I like because I want to talk about it. A lot.

You have your mission.

(Source: Spotify)

Sep 1


I am haunted by all the editions of books that are prettier than the ones I already own.

I just put the next 4 months of my life into the iCloud calendar in attempt to stay organized and it looks like a box of crayolas exploded.

I added all my classes, my scholarship and program obligations, both of my work schedules (two different library positions) and there are still two classes that haven’t been scheduled yet. It doesn’t even include a side project I am taking on because I am an idiot and the personal work I am doing.

I’d be more stressed, except for the first time I have a pretty solid handle on my priorities and I am not afraid to tell people that I am too busy. Let’s see how long that lasts hmm?

Cue Sarah McLachlan

I know I’m in the right major because dropping $100 on books for class is less a burden and more an excuse to buy $100 worth of books.