occupation: prophet


I wish I had the power to cause the Universe to give you pie! I shall continue to think pie thoughts in your direction.

What do you mean wish? Clearly that is what happened. Don’t belittle your gift Friend!

He did it. Kid made me a whole damn apple pie. From scratch. It tasted like love, appreciation and brown sugar.

We were joined by another queer McNair student, and three of us sat for 2 hours eating apple pie and talking shit about everything from the wealthy kids who go here, to the administration.

My favorite exchange:

Me: And you know we all say the same thing every time someone screws up. “I do not pay…

All 3 in perfect unison:
“…50 grand a year to go to this school to put up with this shit.”

And not a damn one of us pays anywhere near full tuition! We are all on grants and scholarships.

I don’t give a fuck! I say it at least twice a day.

If I actually paid 50 grand to go here and they pulled this shit, I’d have murdered a person.

How did I get so lucky? Is this because coffeepotbadger wished for me to have all the pie??

I helped a kid rewrite a scholarship application and he was so impressed with my bullshit skills and thankful for my help that he baked me an apple pie from scratch.

Tomorrow I am getting paid in pie. Gratitude pie.

An apple pie. From scratch. For me.

This is not a drill. This is it people. I have just learned how to successfully “life”.

Actual conversation I just had in actual real life.

  • : :Checking out a movie for a patron::
  • Her: Do you think these people are actors?
  • Me: ...Do I think the people in the movie are actors? Yes. Yes I do.
  • Her: Why aren't there any reality movies? With real people like reality TV. Why isn't that a thing?
  • Me: Documentaries. That is the word you are looking for. Documentaries are things.
Sep 6

This is what Classical Studies does to a person - Part II

Some 20-odd articles later and I am ready to open my first essay of the year with, “The scholarship on this play is one giant, frustratingly impotent, academic circle-jerk.”

Sep 2

this is how I do

  • Reads yet another blog post about being a Quaker that some how manages to be disparaging, self-deprecating and yet still wholly pretentious.
  • Grumbles loudly.
  • Wishes more Friends were like coffeepotbadger.
  • Realizes that if I’m not going to contribute to the online presence in a more meaningful way I should probably stop complaining about it.
  • Grumbles quietly.

I feel like you aren’t listening to Hozier. You should be. The fact that you aren’t listening to Hozier right now is a goddamn tragedy.

I haven’t found an musician with such good production since Kanye West (which says a lot about my weird musical tastes). I don’t know of any artist who so perfectly executes what they are trying to do besides Welcome to Night Vale. I know some people have heard Take Me to Church but that is just one single. It isn’t even my favorite song.

Go listen to the to the From Eden EP. This is Work Song. It is produced to sound like a chain-gang song. It’s brilliant. Go listen to Angel of Small Death and the Codeine Scene. Go listen to To Be Alone and come back and talk to me about the oddness of the phrase “anthems of rape culture” being used in a pop song.

Then come back and talk to me because I am not good at being a hipster, I want everyone to like this thing I like because I want to talk about it. A lot.

You have your mission.

(Source: Spotify)

Sep 1


I am haunted by all the editions of books that are prettier than the ones I already own.

I just put the next 4 months of my life into the iCloud calendar in attempt to stay organized and it looks like a box of crayolas exploded.

I added all my classes, my scholarship and program obligations, both of my work schedules (two different library positions) and there are still two classes that haven’t been scheduled yet. It doesn’t even include a side project I am taking on because I am an idiot and the personal work I am doing.

I’d be more stressed, except for the first time I have a pretty solid handle on my priorities and I am not afraid to tell people that I am too busy. Let’s see how long that lasts hmm?

Cue Sarah McLachlan

I know I’m in the right major because dropping $100 on books for class is less a burden and more an excuse to buy $100 worth of books.


God it’s only like August and I swear I’m already preparing sacrifices for our pumpkin spice overlords.

Aug 8

So are we doing anything for Augustus’ 2000th death anniversary this month or are we all just a bunch of heartless bastards hmm?

If the reader objects that in this last we have fiction and history carelessly mingled, the answer of the storyteller may well be that for their purpose there is no such thing as “fiction”. There exists for the storyteller only the true and the false; and with the latter he has, or should have, nothing to do. Even younger children should know what we mean when we say “This story is not a story of fact; but it is true for all of that.”

- A Guide to Storytelling -Arthur Burrell

Aug 7

Have you ever been so happy to be home that you tear up when your laptop automatically connects to the wifi?